Drum Journey (Recording): ~15 minutes
Journey to ask for guidance for the (Jewish) new year and the new season of Autumn, which officially began while I was in the journey. Upper World. I wandered along the path to Reeds Blowing's cave. I saw him in various places, in ghost-like form as though he had been there at different times but was not there now. Once I got to the cave, I placed my offering of wildflowers outside. I saw his white cape on the ground at the entrance to the cave. This seemed strange to me. I felt that I should not enter the cave without his invitation, but I also felt that if I was afraid, I should do it. I stepped a few feet into the cave and sat down. I realized that I was traveling without the aid of a CHS. Suddenly, Hummingbird appeared form inside the cave, but he was also ghost-like and had strange colors. he looked like he had died and was reanimated. This was a frightening image, so I left the cave. As I walked along the banks of the creek by RB's cave, I saw that everything was dead or dying. I was overcome with grief. RB appeared right in front of me, so close that I could only see his chest. I was immediately merged with him and felt his power as we walked along the path. He/I felt much taller—almost like a giant. As we walked I asked him my question about how to honor the new year/new season. He spoke about the death of things: There will be death. The cycles of nature. I have to accept the shift as it unfolds. This is true of everything around me as well as inside of me. I asked what I could do to make the most of this new time. Write, he said. It is time to return to writing. I felt frightened as I have lost my faith in my writing skills over the years. I have felt a terrible block or as though my self as a writer has died. I asked RB if he could remove my writer's block. He began pulling long, dark, tangled strings from the top of my head. They looked like thick, black spiderweb strings. This went on for some time. He then replaced the strings with golden thread. Wherever the strings were before, that space was now golden. I was not convinced that this would help because I was still in the fear place about having to try writing again. Real fear! The callback sounded. I thanked RB and returned.
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Drum Journey (Recording): ~30 minutes
This journey was to inquire more deeply about the purpose of my incarnation. I was called to Upper World. I arrived barefoot and in the usual muslin outfit I wear in Lower World. I entered the Hall of Knowledge, as I was immediately drawn there. Hummingbird met me in the hall. I entered the library and Hummingbird brought me a large, red book. I knew the answer to my question was inside, but I was unable to look. Teacher (Bell'ana) arrived to take me away on a different journey. I realized that the journey was within the book. There were no words or pages, but a vortex I needed to enter. So, with the CHSes in attendance, I opened the cover and dove into the bright circles of light. As it was with my meditations in OR recently, I received the message that I was here to "observe and report." This was no life of ambition; I am on a "vacation" life. Nothing grand will happen. I will not be influential or famous. Let all that go. I am her merely to observe and report. I am not special. I have no real gifts beyond what anyone else is capable of having. This was depressing. Do you believe these words? Bell'ana asked. I checked my body for a response. "Not really," I said. On the one hand, it was a relief not to have to strive for anything. On the other, it was sad to think I will not experience the metaphysical at my will in this lifetime (beyond random synchronicities). I returned to the library table and wept (also in OR). Hummingbird was there. "I have no Spirit. It's true," I said. "I am not special. I have no gifts. All this is made up. That is why I cannot receive anything helpful; I cannot imagine it." I went on lamenting my skeptical and logical mind. I asked Spirit to remove it from me, or at least lessen it considerably so it wouldn't get in my way. Bargaining! I would give up punctuality or organizational skills just to be closer to/communicate with Spirit... It was all a it pathetic, and I knew that, so I let it all go. The Callback sounded. I thanked Hummingbird and Bell'ana and returned. Drum Journey (Recording): ~15 minutes
During my morning meditation, I received a call to journey. I had no intention except to find out for what I was being called. I was immediately drawn to Upper World. Upper World: I entered and Teacher (Bell'anna) emerged from a stone in the walkway to the Hall of Knowledge. She took me into the main library, which had been redecorated into more of a rustic atmosphere, with wooden furniture and a small fire pit at the center. I sat there and she told me Grandmother would be joining us. Teacher brought down a large red book and handed it to me. These are the stories of your female ancestors, Teacher said. Grandmother had appeared now and was tending the fire as I looked through the book. I saw my mother, her mother, her mother, and so on. I saw men as well, being abusive to the women, physically, sexually, and emotionally. finally landed on an image of a smiling, upturned face of a woman who could have been in her 20s as easily as her 50s. Youthful and joyful. Your have entered the croning time. You have no daughters. This is your time to end the cycle of violence. Draw your power to you. The pain ends with you. Teacher handed me a staff that had a bird on top of it—a hawk?—which flew away, leaving the feathers behind attached to the top of the staff. The top was encrusted with gemstones (mainly moonstone) and had a smooth space where the hand would go. The base was orange and red with fire colors and from it came vines that snaked up the staff in various shades of green. This is your crone staff, Nashawe. You will recreate it in Ordinary Reality. She threw it on the fire, where Grandmother poked at it. The staff dissolved into sparks of fire. It will be here for you when you are in Non-ordinary Reality, Teacher told me. Then, Grandmother gave me a capsule, which I swallowed. This is moss beneath the Tree of Knowledge outside of my home, Grandmother said. Let it fill you with ancestral knowledge and belief in your own experience. You are no longer a child. You are stepping into elder. You will come to us for more training, but it is time for you to embrace your own knowledge and share it. I sat for a moment with my teachers and watched the fire. Callback sounded. I thanked them both deeply and returned. Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes
My intention was to discover what was at the source of my leg pain and emotional pain. Was there some traumatic event from my past that I have been blocking and it is now manifesting in physical pain? I was called to Upper World. This time when I arrived, it was not at the usual location. Typically I travel up and up, then am guided to the right, where the entrance to UW is. This time, I traveled straight up until I saw the pink membrane separating worlds. I passed through it, and found myself at the edge of the White Forest. I walked along the squishy pink membrane until I reached the forest. Hummingbird arrived to guide me. I asked if we were going to see Reeds Blowing, and Hummingbird said we were. I was happy because I haven't visited him in some time. I began, with Hummingbird's help, to gather my usual offering of wildflowers. Hummingbird brought me a branch of berries. I found a purple lupine and some yellow flowers as well. Suddenly, I became aware of a heavy pressure in my center. My torso was dark and lead-like. I was unable to move much farther. I lay down on the forest floor and told Hummingbird I could not walk anymore. Presently, the ground swallowed me up and I lay a couple of feet or so beneath the surface. I felt the cold of the soil and smelled its richness. I could breathe, but I could not move my hands or legs. It was not unpleasant, although I wondered what was happening. Just then, my insides sprouted. The black, lead-like presence was a seed that was germinating out of my body. Very quickly, the sprout became a large black tree with rainbow-colored leaves. I rolled out from under the tree and came to the surface where I lay and looked up at the tree. My center was hollow, but my body was sealed up. as I looked at the tree, I saw that a good number of the leaves were becoming black. Hummingbird told me that this tree was directly connected to me and my life. The leaves were dying and it was my job to bring them back to their colorful state. "How do I do that?" I asked. You can't. Once they are dead, they are dead, he said. This task seemed impossible and I became sad. At this time, Reeds Blowing appeared behind me. We regarded the tree together. I explained what I had been told and lamented that I could not do what was asked of me. I had no idea how. Reeds Blowing reminded me that leaves drop with the season. Perhaps all these leaves will die, but there will be buds in the spring. Where will you be in March? We merged so that I could feel vitality again and also so that we could travel quickly back to his tree cave at the swamp. Once there, he made a tea of local plants that he brewed over a fire in the cave. The tea was going to replace the insides of me that had been lost. As I drank it, I asked if he could help me discover what happened to me, if anything, that may be causing my pain. He lay me down and moved his hands across me. There has been a lot of healing already, he said. There is a resilience here. He indicated my stomach area. I could tell that did not mean that I was healed or that nothing happened, but that I had protected myself for a long time. Those reinforcements were apparent. At this time, the Callback sounded. Reeds Blowing said that we would continue the work another time. I thanked him and returned, thanking the Black Tree on my way past. Thanks to Hummingbird, as well! Returned to OR Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes
Note: I have had a debilitating pain in my right hip for about three months now. It thought it was due to an ongoing Piriformis issue I've had, but this seems to be getting worse, causing considerable problems with mobility and daily comfort. I have had chiropractic, massage therapy, yoga/stretching, medication and meditation, but nothing seems to work. I realize that it is emotional in part, and also perhaps something to do with perimenopause. I wanted to discover what else might be at work. Upper World Immediately went to Grandmother's house. As I traveled, I could see flashes of her preparing the space for me. When I arrived, there was a cot for me to lie on and a poultice of some sort that she was preparing. When I lay down, she placed her hands on my ailing hip and a flood of maternal warmth moved through me and made me cry. She placed the poultice of damp leaves on me. I asked what they were. She told me they were fennel and another herb I didn't recognize ("Amanthia"? "Omathia"?). I cannot remember it now very clearly. Grandmother told me that I was full of blood and needed to bleed. The muscles around my uterus are trying to hold on to me, hold onto youth and not release toward older age. My mind may have accepted my age, but my body has not. Ironically, by bleeding—a "youthful" thing to do—I will release the tension in my pelvic region. Grandmother told me there was a lot of mother line trauma and sent my uterus flying out the room, on wings, collecting the stories of my female ancestors in my mother's lineage. I saw a lot of male oppression and violence toward women, but I also felt self-conscious that I was simply making all this up. I told this to Grandmother, who was now applying the poultice on my injured muscles, inside my body. "Maybe one day I will be worthy of you," I told her. She continued to work on me. Eventually, the uterus came back. She squeezed the blood and story residue out of it and replaced it in my body. She covered it with her warm hands and sent healing there. Also, she wrapped a sheet of hot light around my hips and pressed them in place. I lay there for a while allowing the heat to seep in and heal me. At this time, the Callback sounded. I thanked Grandmother and returned to OR. |
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