Drum Journey (Recording): ~30 minutes
This journey was to inquire more deeply about the purpose of my incarnation. I was called to Upper World.
I arrived barefoot and in the usual muslin outfit I wear in Lower World. I entered the Hall of Knowledge, as I was immediately drawn there. Hummingbird met me in the hall. I entered the library and Hummingbird brought me a large, red book. I knew the answer to my question was inside, but I was unable to look.
Teacher (Bell'ana) arrived to take me away on a different journey. I realized that the journey was within the book. There were no words or pages, but a vortex I needed to enter. So, with the CHSes in attendance, I opened the cover and dove into the bright circles of light.
As it was with my meditations in OR recently, I received the message that I was here to "observe and report." This was no life of ambition; I am on a "vacation" life. Nothing grand will happen. I will not be influential or famous. Let all that go. I am her merely to observe and report. I am not special. I have no real gifts beyond what anyone else is capable of having.
This was depressing. Do you believe these words? Bell'ana asked. I checked my body for a response. "Not really," I said. On the one hand, it was a relief not to have to strive for anything. On the other, it was sad to think I will not experience the metaphysical at my will in this lifetime (beyond random synchronicities).
I returned to the library table and wept (also in OR). Hummingbird was there. "I have no Spirit. It's true," I said. "I am not special. I have no gifts. All this is made up. That is why I cannot receive anything helpful; I cannot imagine it." I went on lamenting my skeptical and logical mind. I asked Spirit to remove it from me, or at least lessen it considerably so it wouldn't get in my way. Bargaining! I would give up punctuality or organizational skills just to be closer to/communicate with Spirit...
It was all a it pathetic, and I knew that, so I let it all go. The Callback sounded. I thanked Hummingbird and Bell'ana and returned.
Drum Journey (Recording): ~30 minutes
During my morning meditation, I again received a call to journey. As it was with my last journey, I had no intention. I was called to Lower World.
Lower World: It was dusk. A pink, purple, and yellow sunset illuminated the mountains ahead of me. Hummingbird came to greet me. It had been some time since I journeyed, and I was ashamed. I said something of the sort to Hummingbird, but even as the words left my lips, I could see that they were irrelevant. Hummingbird flew off eastward, and I followed.
On the path, I stopped to lean against a tree as I was very overcome and tired. I thought I needed to set an intention, so I tried to. My OR shamanic teacher, Elaine, told me I should ask about a recent dream I had.* My mind went into the dream again and replayed the confusing part. Hummingbird said, You already know the meaning of the dream.
I was transported quickly to a field where there was a sacred fire with a ring of small fires around it. Reeds Blowing sat at the edge of it, sprinkling powdered herbs into the fire. I wondered what he was doing here, since I usually meet him in Upper World unless there is a gathering at the council fire. I knew not to ask, though. Grandmother, too, was there, tearing up pieces of red organ meat and throwing them on the fire. Great Walker drummed in the background.
I noticed then that I had a blue plaster stuck to my lower abdomen. I asked what it was. Reeds Blowing said it was made of Blue Poppy, Camphor, Mustard, and other herbs. I asked Grandmother what she was putting on the fire. Your uterus, she said. I was shocked. "Does that mean I don't have a uterus anymore?" Of course not, this is a symbol. This is your old uterus. It is diseased, carrying the pain of your ancestors. You will receive a new one.
Grandmother began singing and walking around the fire. She gestured violently toward the fire, as if casting out dark energy. The flames rose with each gesturing. Grandmother took a burning stick from the fire and placed it on my abdomen. I was moving quickly without volition: lying down, sitting up, standing... She placed her hands on my lower back and abdomen as she sang.
She led me around the fire, singing. Great Walker tossed me my drum, and I drummed along and sang with her. Soon, I felt pressure in my abdomen. The plaster was removed. I crouched on the grass and passed the uterus out of my body. It was not painful, but it was difficult work.
Grandmother took it and threw it on the fire. Immediately, smoke-like beings rose from the fire and into the atmosphere. I recognized them as my ancestors—women and men. They clouded the sky. She and Reeds Blowing began to chant together. Reeds Blowing took a staff and stirred in the air. This whipped the smokey spirit beings around like cotton candy on his staff. He then hurled them into space. I could see or sense them all settling into the lost soul places where they belonged if they had allowed themselves to return Home and be redistributed as Nature intended.
Grandmother crafted a small clay vessel within the fire. She blew into its opening spirit energy and placed various herbs within it. This, she placed over my abdomen, where it sunk in, assuming the place of my old uterus.
I was very tired. I found myself mentally drifting, then "awoke" to find myself lying in a room on a bed, recovering. Everything felt very slow. I heard Grandmother's voice tell me that I needed to rest now.
Callback sounded. I thanked, Hummingbird, Reeds Blowing, Grandmother, and Great Walker then returned.
*Friends of my estranged husband banged a hole in my wall, claiming that I was hiding gold in there. I assured them I was not. They found nothing in the walls and retreated. I cheekily told them they owed me $20 to fix the hole. Upon waking, I thought that it meant I was not hiding any of my gifts. But as I journeyed, I thought it perhaps it meant that I had none to hide. Then I realized it was not about the gifts themselves, but the hiding part. What of worth am I hiding? Nothing. And destruction of my home must be compensated for.
Drum Journey (Recording): ~15 minutes
During my morning meditation, I received a call to journey. I had no intention except to find out for what I was being called. I was immediately drawn to Upper World.
Upper World: I entered and Teacher (Bell'anna) emerged from a stone in the walkway to the Hall of Knowledge. She took me into the main library, which had been redecorated into more of a rustic atmosphere, with wooden furniture and a small fire pit at the center. I sat there and she told me Grandmother would be joining us. Teacher brought down a large red book and handed it to me.
These are the stories of your female ancestors, Teacher said.
Grandmother had appeared now and was tending the fire as I looked through the book. I saw my mother, her mother, her mother, and so on. I saw men as well, being abusive to the women, physically, sexually, and emotionally. finally landed on an image of a smiling, upturned face of a woman who could have been in her 20s as easily as her 50s. Youthful and joyful.
Your have entered the croning time. You have no daughters. This is your time to end the cycle of violence. Draw your power to you. The pain ends with you.
Teacher handed me a staff that had a bird on top of it—a hawk?—which flew away, leaving the feathers behind attached to the top of the staff. The top was encrusted with gemstones (mainly moonstone) and had a smooth space where the hand would go. The base was orange and red with fire colors and from it came vines that snaked up the staff in various shades of green.
This is your crone staff, Nashawe. You will recreate it in Ordinary Reality.
She threw it on the fire, where Grandmother poked at it. The staff dissolved into sparks of fire. It will be here for you when you are in Non-ordinary Reality, Teacher told me.
Then, Grandmother gave me a capsule, which I swallowed. This is moss beneath the Tree of Knowledge outside of my home, Grandmother said. Let it fill you with ancestral knowledge and belief in your own experience. You are no longer a child. You are stepping into elder. You will come to us for more training, but it is time for you to embrace your own knowledge and share it.
I sat for a moment with my teachers and watched the fire.
Callback sounded. I thanked them both deeply and returned.
Drum Journey (Recording): ~15 minutes
Note: This journey took place on 1/11/2019
I went to Lower World to meet again with all my helping spirits at the Sacred Fire. To my surprise, we all lifted in the air and flew north across LW to a large field. The helping spirits all circled around me and the Sacred Fire also appeared in the center of the circle.
Reeds Blowing came forward and announced that From now forward you will be known as Nashawe in this place. This will be your name. This is who you are.
He handed me a long staff that had blue fabric wrapped around it, and glistening stones embedded in it. There were also owl feathers (donated from Owl) hanging from the top. I was given a flower crown and a waist wrap that kept changing colors.*
Then, each one of the helping spirits came and greeted me as Nashawe, some with a gift and some with a hug or a small bow.
It was a brief but very satisfying journey. I felt connected and peaceful when the callback came.
I thanked all the helping spirits and returned to OR.
*I had just taken psilocybin, so that might have influenced it, but I believe it was too early in the trip to have had this visualization. I rather think that my traveling mind was indecisive. :)
Drum Journey (Self-drumming): ~10 minutes
I went to Lower World to meet with all my helping spirits at the Sacred Fire. I had received the notice that I passed the MFT exam four days earlier and wanted to give thanks.
I greeted all the helping spirits and gave them an offering of fruits, vegetables, and wildflowers. Reeds Blowing came and offered congratulations to me from all. He told me, You are now Nashawe.
He fashioned a heart out of bird feathers as well as animal fur, skin, and sinew. He replaced my heart with this one. He then wrapped a long cape over me, made with woven flowers. Here, you will now be known as Nashawe, place where two rivers meet. You connect the spirit world with the world of man.
I asked if it was all right to use the name in ordinary reality. Reeds Blowing said I could use it with respect and not exploit it or its reverence.
I gave thanks to every helping spirit. Reeds Blowing told me to return for an official initiation later, which I agreed to do.
Callback and return to OR