Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes
Note: I have had a debilitating pain in my right hip for about three months now. It thought it was due to an ongoing Piriformis issue I've had, but this seems to be getting worse, causing considerable problems with mobility and daily comfort. I have had chiropractic, massage therapy, yoga/stretching, medication and meditation, but nothing seems to work. I realize that it is emotional in part, and also perhaps something to do with perimenopause. I wanted to discover what else might be at work. Upper World Immediately went to Grandmother's house. As I traveled, I could see flashes of her preparing the space for me. When I arrived, there was a cot for me to lie on and a poultice of some sort that she was preparing. When I lay down, she placed her hands on my ailing hip and a flood of maternal warmth moved through me and made me cry. She placed the poultice of damp leaves on me. I asked what they were. She told me they were fennel and another herb I didn't recognize ("Amanthia"? "Omathia"?). I cannot remember it now very clearly. Grandmother told me that I was full of blood and needed to bleed. The muscles around my uterus are trying to hold on to me, hold onto youth and not release toward older age. My mind may have accepted my age, but my body has not. Ironically, by bleeding—a "youthful" thing to do—I will release the tension in my pelvic region. Grandmother told me there was a lot of mother line trauma and sent my uterus flying out the room, on wings, collecting the stories of my female ancestors in my mother's lineage. I saw a lot of male oppression and violence toward women, but I also felt self-conscious that I was simply making all this up. I told this to Grandmother, who was now applying the poultice on my injured muscles, inside my body. "Maybe one day I will be worthy of you," I told her. She continued to work on me. Eventually, the uterus came back. She squeezed the blood and story residue out of it and replaced it in my body. She covered it with her warm hands and sent healing there. Also, she wrapped a sheet of hot light around my hips and pressed them in place. I lay there for a while allowing the heat to seep in and heal me. At this time, the Callback sounded. I thanked Grandmother and returned to OR.
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Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes
Lower World Grey Wolf Mother accompanied me to the hot spring entrance in spirit form, as she had left with me before. We arrived together, and she again assumed full form as we reached LW. We walked to the Sacred Fire Circle, where all the CHSes were gathered. GWM sat in front of Reeds Blowing. Reed Blowing spoke, saying: You have accomplished the task you set out to accomplish. regardless of the outcome, we are with you always. I spoke afterward, thanking everyone, especially GWM and RB. Great Walker came out and placed a red mark on my left shoulder, I was not certain what this was for. My Nashawe symbol came ot life on my right leg. GW began to drum. He asked me to drum and dance with him, which I did. The others began to sing/vocalize in their respective ways: GWM howled, Frog chirped, the wings of Hummingbird whirred, Tree rustled its leaves, Grandmother sang a low tone, RB chanted, Bell'ana made the song of the spheres, Turtle croaked and drummed his shell, Owl hooted, Black Hawk cried, Snake hissed, Raccoon chittered... After some time, they all took a piece of my body away and performed their own work on it. My energy merged with the fire until they were done. As the Callback sounded, my pieces came flying back together and I was whole again. I thanked everyone and expressed that I was sad to leave GWM in LW. I was grateful for her protection. Return to OR Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes
Lower World As I began my journey to LW, descending the rocks that lead to the hot springs, I felt as though the spirit of Grey Wolf Mother was with me. In fact, as I dove into the spring, I could feel her jump in next to me and travel all the way down. I landed in my usual stance—one knee down, bent, hand on the ground to steady me—I felt her land beside me, only now she was not in spirit form anymore, but fully visible to me. She urged me to walk with her, then climb on her back. Once I did, I merged with her—front legs were my arms and hands, back legs were my legs—and we ran through the terrains of LW. Soon, she/we became giant and we covered much more ground. She/we stopped at the edge of a field. She walked very deliberately through the field to a forest, then into the thick of the forest. There, we found a clearing where there was a fire already made. I unmerged and sat with her by the fire. "I wish Reeds Blowing were here as well," I said. And then he was. He sat opposite me, next to Grey Wolf Mother. Grey Wolf Mother has been my companion—our companion—for a very long time. She has helped in times of confusion and fear. She has attacked enemies and eaten them. GWM's mouth was suddenly full of blood. She licked her lips and it disappeared. "Did you ever have confusion and fear?" I asked. When I was in the human world and torn by human concerns. She was there for me then. She is here for you now. RB put a hand on GWM's head and she licked his face. She will be strong for you and help you through this journey. Your time of Nashawe is coming close. GWM came to me and I thought she might be loving to me as well. I was not afraid, but I could soon tell she was not about to lick me. Instead, she bit my left hand, then my right. It did not hurt, but it was shocking. She licked the blood from each of my hands. Now she has your blood in her. She is connected to you. [I began to weep in OR.] GWM went back over to RB and lay down next to him. But she soon bolted upright and looked off to my left. Thundering sound. A huge elephant stormed through the forest and stopped at the edge of our clearing. GWM began to howl in what I assumed was a greeting. Elephant responded with a loud trumpeting call. Elephant then curled its trunk around me and hoisted me in the air. RB laughed, Never forget! For your exam. You won't forget what you need to know. "A bit obvious, don't you think?" I joked. Elephant put me down and RB came to me. We will all be here for you. He wrapped his cloak around me and then placed his hands on my shoulders. Just then Hummingbird arrived and hovered by my ear. He placed something in each ear (liquid) with his tongue. Maybe spirit saliva. Who knows? Then GWM let me know we needed to return. I merged with her again and we came back to the Sacred Fire Circle by the LW entrance point. Elephant came with us, running and bounding across the landscape. I thanked them all (RB and Hummingbird remotely), then prepared to return. GWM leapt into the tunnel with me, again assuming spirit form. Callback When I arrived at the top of the hot springs, she jumped up and walked with me up to the cliff edge. Return to OR Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes Lower World I met with Hummingbird upon arriving in LW. The purpose of my journey was to request a compassionate helping spirit who can help me as I study for and take my National MFT exam. First, though, I asked Hummingbird if hummingbirds might come to my home in OR. I have set up a feeder and red flowering plants for them... Once I asked Hummingbird to assist me with the real purpose of my visit, he began pecking me in the head. It was as though he was infusing my head with healing in the areas I need for memory and emotional support. We then walked past the Sacred Fire Circle and past Tree to the area beyond. I saw a natural bridge that reached over the canyon. As I walked along it (Hummingbird flying nearby), I realized I had never been to this area of LW before. We crossed the bridge, and entered a steppe landscape. There were large, flat stone ares where I could walk down deeper into the grasses. There, I saw a white goat standing on the grass. As I kept walking, I saw a chipmunk scurry along the ground, and a bird flying above. While looking up, I turned my gaze to a rock above us. There was a grey wolf sitting, overlooking the steppe. The goat ran away, and the wolf stood. I saw her yellow eyes, then her bushy tail. Finally, I saw her paws as they rested on the rock as she sat again. I made my way up to Grey Wolf and asked, "Are you my power animal?" Yes, she said, I am here to protect you from negative thoughts like I would protect my children. I will scare them away like that goat. That is the child part of your nature, the sheep, the goat. The innocent. It has a place, but not here, not for this task. I will also give you my sharp attention. You need focus as you study and take the exam. You will be fearless. I will drive away that fear. I will take care of you. Grey Wolf Mother asked me to merge with her so I could see what it feels like to have strength, agility, endurance, patience, and power. We ran through the steppe lands. I could feel her muscles engaging and her chest filling with and expelling air. We ran as Hummingbird flew nearby us. Grey Wolf Mother ran with me back to the Sacred Fire Circle and sat down. I disengaged and asked how I could honor her as I study and take the exam. She said to keep her nearby. Envision her. Have photos around. Offerings are okay. Mainly remember her and how it feels to merge with her. When the Callback came, I thanked both Hummingbird and Grey Wolf Mother before I returned. Return to Ordinary Reality Drum Journey (Recorded drumming): ~15 minutes
Lower World I am currently in Day 48 of my 50-day initiation. This journey had a specific purpose, which was to consult my compassionate helping spirits who have assisted me on this initiation/internal retreat regarding my upcoming weekend away with my husband Khader. Specifically, I wished to address the restriction of alcohol consumption. This is our only solitary weekend holiday for the year. We are both celebrating graduation from our respective Masters programs. Having a relaxing weekend with no restrictions, would be rejuvenating and, in my view, necessary. (We'd like to have a champagne toast to celebrate, for example.) I visited the CHSes who were all gathered at the Sacred Fire Circle. Fire was burning high as I presented my case. I was concerned that my situation would seem petty. To some extent, even I felt it was; alcohol consumption over the weekend had not occurred to me until today. When I originally told him, Khader was disappointed but understood. I felt bad about disappointing him, but thought it was better to stay true to my practice. Later, I thought that making this adjustment may be a kind gesture for Khader and make our time together feel more connected. In this case, I began to see alcohol as part of the ritual celebration, not a way to escape. I knew that what I was really asking for was a stay of the 50-day agreement or some additional task I could perform to compensate. I received this guidance:
Then, Great Walker began to dance with his drum. I was told to join him. I had to make sure I had space to dance and drum. Lots of it! There were great leaps and swirls around. I felt lost in the drumming and in the feeling of movement. The rest of the journey continued this way until callback. Callback I thanked all the CHSes and returned. Return to Ordinary Reality. |
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